Golden Hours
by Trivial Pursuit
Summary: Of Ivor Novello, circling the drain, and halcyon days.


**Author's Note: This was inspired by the double meaning of the phrase 'Golden Hour' as used in _Miami Medical_ and Jeremy Northam's excellent cover of 'The Land of Might Have Been'.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Miami Medical_, _et cetera_, _et ceter_a.**

'You must have been warned against letting the golden hours slip by; but some of them are only golden because we let them slip by.'

- James Matthew Barrie

Proctor's fucking _singing_ in the OR again. Eva would yell at him if she had the energy, but she doesn't, so she listens to him sing as he pokes around in some poor guy's abdomen.

'_We shall never find that lovely land of might have been._' He has a surprisingly good voice, though she's not really sure why he wouldn't, '_I can never be your king nor you can be my queen._'

'Proctor? Do you ever wonder if this is it? If after this there's just a plateau with a drop-off that inevitably leads to the place that Raynor went.' Eva looks around the room, vaguely surprised by the comment and it takes her several pointed glares and a few seconds to realise the question came from her.

'I suppose these our our golden hours, in some twisted way. As we watch our patients circle the drain we ourselves - our skills, our sanity, maybe even pieces of our humanity - are doing it too.' Eva is struck by how incredibly inappropriate this conversation is for the OR.

'It's not, you know.' She can tell he's smiling from behind his mask. 'Everyone thinks that at some point in their career, unless they're particularly stupid or sociopathic.'

'Oh, okay then.' Eva turns back to her work, unsure of what else to say.

The surgery goes quickly and cleanly, and Eva finds herself wandering out of the OR four hours later unsure. Of what, she is not certain, yet she does not know what to do. Her feet seem to propel her by their own volition towards the roof.

As she looks over the glassy skyscrapers, for the first time in her life, Eva sees what she thinks Proctor sees as he looks over the city. Her feet dangle over the edge and, for a few fleeting minutes, she wonders what would happen if she slid forward a few centimetres and just fell. A hand grips her shoulder and seems to pull her from these thoughts.

'If you plan on jumping, I think this would be the wrong place to do it. Or perhaps the right one, depending on what your intentions were. Either way, Warren knows exactly what to do.' Eva doesn't need to turn her head to see who it is.

'Should I be worried that you know this?' Proctor laughs.

'So, what brings you to the roof? I thought I'd already staked it out?'

'Well, since you're such an gentleman, I'm sure you'll share.' It comes out far more coy than she'd originally intended and Proctor raises his eyebrow slightly.

'Indubitably.' They lapse into silence for several minutes, simply enjoying watching as Miami comes to life below them.

'That song you were singing in the OR, what was it?' He doesn't answer her question, instead Proctor asks another.

'Are you familiar with the concept of the multiverse, Eva?'

'A little.'

'Sometimes, I think about all the 'What ifs' in my life; what if I'd stayed with Annabel's mother, what if I didn't do another tour, what if I hadn't moved down to Miami, what if I never became a doctor? All these decisions that I've made, all these possibilities.' Eva's stomach clenches as he talks. She can't imagine MT1 without Proctor anymore. He is just as part of the team as Tuck or Chris ever were.

'It was a song my mother used to play when I was very young, she'd sing it to me as I went to sleep, play it on this old record player as she cleaned.' Eva thinks about sharing this with Chris and Serena, though she knows she never will, it is too personal.

'What happened to your mother?' It's intrusive, she knows this, but cannot pass up on the chance to learn something more about her elusive attending.

'The Land of Might Have Been.'

'What?'

'The song I was singing, it's Ivor Novello singing a song called 'The Land of Might Have Been.' Eva smiles and turns her head away, because she's not the only one in this hospital who's an onion.

Her pager beeps, but before she scrambles up to heal the wounded and save the needy Eva presses a quick kiss to Proctor's cheek. It's impulsive and foolish but afterwards she cannot help be grin like a fool.

_See Chris? Not ridiculous at all. _

Eva smiles slightly as she starts to suture a wound together.

'_We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when, but I know we'll meet again, some sunny day_.' Chris stares at her from across the room as if she's crazy, yet Eva Zambrano cannot help but feel the unbearable lightness of being utterly alive. '_Keep smiling through, just like you always do, 'till the blue skies drive those dark clouds, far away_.'


End file.
